Johnny Mathis, germs, and a bad run of cards

by Jennifer on February 9, 2008

This post will stand as a tribute to the very nature of my Saturdays–without focus, and full of mindless and not very important stuff.

Proof that I’m old:

johnny-mathis.jpgYesterday, when I finally got my hair cut and colored (the salon had to reschedule my earlier appt), I was sitting with my neck in a vice head leaning back over the sink. Two sinks down, another woman (she was maybe in her 70s) was chatting with the girl who washed her hair:

Woman: And tonight we’re going to go see Johnny Mathis!

Hair girl: Oh really? Is he a comedian?

Proof that I’m a reasonable, thinking adult germophobe:

Later yesterday afternoon, I met Mr. H and the kids at McD*nald’s. Mr. H enjoys taking them there and letting them play while he reads the paper or makes very important phone calls. Or eats a burger and fries.

Anyway, as we sat there, I noticed another mother with her two kids, both under the age of 4. For a while, they ran around and played, and then the younger one, who was 2 or so, came up to her and wanted his shoes off. So the mother took off his shoes. Which were on his feet when he walked in from the parking lot. Which were teeming, I’m certain, with god knows what kind of street filth.

And she put them on the table.

Now, I know as well as anyone that places like McD*nald’s are the colorful and fun petri dishes of our American society. When I do take my kids, I’m the freak mommy who lays down a napkin in front of each of my kids before setting out their food. A pathetic barrier, for sure, but it eases my mind a bit. (Please don’t sue me, McD*onald’s, since you’re just one fast food chain among many. Your only fault is in making yourselves a place where kids want to go. Start serving things like snails and liver, and this problem will disappear.)

It was all I could do not to walk over and remove the shoes from the table, without a word.

Then her other child wanted to take her shoes off, and she did.

And the stupidass twit mother put those on the table, too.

It was all I could do not to walk over and remove MY shoes. And put them on the table next to the others. I wanted to. Oh, I wanted to. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of nerve. Or the ability to remove the Manners Microchip from my brain for a moment or two, long enough to wither someone with the perfect line.

Guess it’s time to start carrying around a carton of Clorox cleaning wipes, in addition to the Purell hand sanitizer that’s already in my purse.

Am I the only one who gets grossed out by this sort of thing? What have we come to, if it’s okay to put our shoes on the table where people eat?!

Okay, one more…

Proof that I am on the worst run of cards in my life:

I went to the casino last night to play in the evening poker tournament. In the entire 3 hours that I managed to stay alive, I had only 3 pocket pairs. The highest of them was a pair of 7s. Don’t know how I lasted as long as I did.

It’s been about three months since I’ve made a final table. I’m getting frustrated. I have to remind myself of the other benefits of an evening spent playing poker, which include:

1) I’m out of the house

2)There are no kids in the poker room

3) I’m in a roomful of adults, none of whom need me to cut their food.

4) There are no kids in the poker room. It’s worth repeating.

The dialog in my head goes something like this: “Okay, yeah, that assh*le and his ace-jack just sucked out on my pocket kings, but at least _______________ (insert any one of the above).” Sometimes it even works.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

liv February 9, 2008 at 11:40 pm

umm…i cannot relate to the happiness of playing poker because i cannot but CANNOT lose money. mcdonald’s? i used to be more of a germophobe. now i carry those placemats that adhere to the tables of fast food restaurants. ha! that’s pretty good stuff. and the purell. and well, just not going in. i lie to my kids all the time about why we can’t go in the playplace. too many people already in there, mommy has a headache, no time, santa claus is at our house, whatevs.

Julie Pippert February 10, 2008 at 12:39 am

I know who Johnny Mathis is…but err, I think I might be middle-aged.

I stink at poker; should make Vegas fun!

I don’t like shoes walking through my house but I like arguing incessantly with everyone about it less. I’ve decided I am too slacker and lazy to keep up with germaphobe, on the whole.

suburbancorrespondent February 10, 2008 at 3:19 am

I can’t believe the things that bother me (cleanliness-wise) that didn’t bother me at all before I became a mother. What’s up with that? Is it the oxytocin?

AMomTwoBoys February 10, 2008 at 4:04 am

My in-laws are going to see JM on VALENTINE’S DAY. Fun stuff.

Ewww..I’m with you on the paper napkin thing.

Poker Tournament…awesome. Just. Awesome.

slouching mom February 10, 2008 at 5:09 am

I used to care about germs so much more. But my kids are older now, and I find myself caring less and less. They also get sick less and less.

So…are they getting sick less because they are being exposed to more germs (now that I don’t care so much)?


Jennifer February 10, 2008 at 5:33 am

SM, I’ve considered that. I really only get ick-ed out by places that have an obvious germ concentration. Like shopping carts. Or poker chips. Play areas. (I can ignore all sorts of things at home.) I’m generally the kind of mom who gives the kids an occasional dose of Purell and an admonishment to “wash your hands when you get home.” But, for some reason, this table thing got to me.

Maybe it was a manners thing, more than a germ thing. Probably a hearty combination of both.

JCK February 10, 2008 at 8:59 am

Shoes on the table, not a good thing. But, maybe better than feet on the table??…

Lisa T February 10, 2008 at 5:17 pm

I have an overwhelming desire to wash my hands in very hot water, again and again after reading this 🙂

Brenda February 10, 2008 at 5:54 pm

Are you really old? No. You are just of a generation that chooses to know more about life than Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears and how to use your thumbs amazingly fast to text message.

Are you a germophobe? NO! FTLOG, shoes do not belong on tables on which you eat or do anything else. It’s disgusting and dirty, but it IS a manners thing–completely disrespectful to anyone who is so blessed to sit at their table next. (But then again, this might show your age as well, because it seems that many (not all) younger than you have lost respect for about anything. Maybe it’s not that they have no respect, but that no one taught them to think about things. Of course those “no one’s” are largely in OUR generation, but this is not the place for a rant on that. I do wish, however, that more people in general would give a thought to what they are doing and WHY they are doing and WHO it will bother if they do it.)

Cards: I guess items 1-4 make a LOT of things worth it! I had to endure a holiday office party last night. (Yes, my husband’s office do their parties a little late, which is fine, BUT……) I’m an introvert. I hate office parties. I hate small talk. I don’t mind talking, but I like talking ABOUT something, not just talking. My fortune was to sit next to someone who loved to talk just to talk. Nothing important, just chatter. Just an insertion in every conversation. I had to keep telling myself the same 4 things, especially the one about cutting up food!

cce February 10, 2008 at 7:21 pm

Wow, I had no idea you were a poker player…that’s a rich and interesting detail. I like it, I like it.

The shoes on the table are gross but I can fo one better…My friend’s daughter climbed up into one of those McD’s play tubes and found what she thought must be a another child’s bowel movement in the tube at the top. I kid you not. So gross. Needless to say, we haven’t entertained at McD’s play gyms for awhile.
Hope the cards fall a little more favorably your next time out.

Landon February 10, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Since I am a germaphobe, I’m not going to try to argue that you are not, because that implies it’s a bad thing. 🙂

I am noticing that everyone who plays a part in the care and upkeep of me (dentists, hair stylists, etc..) are getting to be if not the same age, than younger than me. Ugh.

HRH February 10, 2008 at 10:24 pm

Oh how I feel your pain today…on ALL accounts! I know who Johnny Mathis is, I would have totally puked at the sight of shoes on the table (which really would have made the situation MUCH worse) and my poker streak is dismal at best. We have been playing cash games for the last few months and I am unable to compete. I am much better at tournament-style where I can appear more menacing (ha) and I live, absolutely live for head to head poker which is pretty much nirvana in itself…BUT a bad game of poker usually is the highlight of the week (it just could be sooooo much better if I won!)

Slow Panic February 11, 2008 at 12:21 am

my husband is annoyed by my blogging. he’s watching me blog. he’s whining about it.

Tootsie Farklepants February 11, 2008 at 6:09 am

I love my Johnny Mathis Christmas cd!

Emily February 11, 2008 at 12:10 pm

It actually doesn’t bother me much. BUT, when my husband did it the other day, I did make him take them off. For appearances.

we_be_toys February 11, 2008 at 5:09 pm

I think it should be a law that Saturdays be un-focused and mindless – unless you’re going on a trip and need to get an early start!

The playspaces in McDs and other spots totally gross me out – all those snotty little kids, some without even socks on their gnarly little feet.
Oh, and buffets – seems like if anyone ever wanted to do us in as a nation, it would be easy enough to anthrax the Golden Corral buffet line – though the terrorist might get a nasty flu bug from doing the job. I think buffets are grosser than playspaces – ever watch the little kids go by, with their fingers in their mouths and nose, then TOUCH stuff on the buffet? It cured me, chile!
See, you’re not alone in your germophobia – feel better now?!

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: