The one where she almost has a heart attack

by Jennifer on May 27, 2008

Last evening, I decided to mark a task off of my honey-do list. A list which is totally imaginary (and where I’m the honey and the do-er) and is more “oh yeah, lightbulbs” than “change the lightbulbs out front on Sunday.”

You’re all up to speed, I think, on the the recent travel habits of our local mountain lion population. This time of year, I’m pretty sure they usually head up into the mountains where it’s cooler and they have timeshares. But this spring, what with the price of gas and all, they’re rocking it Subdivision With a Golf Course style.

Because it was dusk, I knew enough to be cautious. I told the kids to stay inside (not a problem…they’re a little freaked out and not at all interested in hearing mountain lions say stuff like “Yep, tastes like chicken.”) and gathered up what I needed:

  • Phone, with the Game & Fish Emergency number pre-dialed, just in case
  • Light bulbs
  • Big girl panties
  • Cojones

(You wouldn’t think those last two would go together, except in alternative clubs, but they do.)

If a mountain lion was within 3 cul-de-sacs, I was ready, baby. With my phone and my package of lightbulbs. Yep, all set. Never occurred to me to grab, say, a baseball bat. But, c’mon, I was only going to change two light bulbs.

I closed the front door behind me and then checked the space between the house and the fence to the right. All clear. I looked in the tree just in front of the house. All clear (plus it has thorns). I checked across the street, across the other street, in all the trees, around boulders. Everywhere. All clear.

Then, I passed in front of the garage to check the other side of the house, and the last possible place where a badass cat might be hiding. I rounded the corner, and there it was, partially hidden by a cactus.

The tawny fur. The swishing tail. The shining eyes.

Holy crap.

I jumped.

It looked something like this:

Click here


I always worry about cats running wild around here. With all the coyotes, even, it’s not safe for them. I hope that little guy made it home.
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{ 42 comments… read them below or add one }

Razor Family Farms May 27, 2008 at 12:53 am

I am very glad to know that that furrrocious fella didn’t get hit with the big girl panties. That could have been very traumatic. Don’t you think?

You could have forever reduced the flow of testosterone with just one leg-hole over the ear.

The horror!


Razor Family Farmss last blog post..Start at Home

Mrs. Chili May 27, 2008 at 3:21 am

Heh. I wonder which of you was more scared….

Mrs. Chilis last blog post..Boosted from Bo

Dave May 27, 2008 at 3:35 am

Umm, yeah. We have two or three mountain lions just like that one in the building here. Hide the kids! : )

Daves last blog post..Trees of the River

Mary Alice May 27, 2008 at 4:31 am

You had me scared. My moter-in-law and her horse were stalked by a mountain lion while trail riding near her Northern Cal home……it leapt along the cliffs above them, appearing here and t here to look down on them. She started riding with a gun.

Mary Alices last blog post..Memorial Day

suburbancorrespondent May 27, 2008 at 4:44 am

I think I’d be pulling out the jigsaw puzzles and staying inside for a long while…

suburbancorrespondents last blog post..The Seasons, They Go ‘Round and ‘Round

Brenda May 27, 2008 at 5:16 am

It didn’t HAVE a home! It was coming to YOU for a home! Of course you should have fed it, filled up your allergic daughter with drugs and KEPT it! Now the poor creature has to go looking for another home because you were too tough for it! I’m sure it was the light bulbs!

Daryl May 27, 2008 at 7:14 am

I thought ‘good choice having big girl panties with cojones’ .. otherwise … well you know … and I am sure Garfield was smart enough to keep an eye out for Simba


Daryls last blog post..tuesday toon

Lisa Milton May 27, 2008 at 7:28 am

Forget the chicken; he wanted some lasagna.

(You just described my list making skills.)

Akelamalu May 27, 2008 at 7:54 am

My heart was in my mouth there gal, until I clicked on the link! LOL

Akelamalus last blog post..ATM’s…..

Kelley May 27, 2008 at 8:08 am

Daaaaamn. I am amazed that you made it back to us in one piece.

Lisa May 27, 2008 at 8:19 am

Oh you so had me going lol!
Now in that cat’s mind, he WAS the mighty mountain lion you fear 😉

Lisas last blog post..To Dino on his big 4 birthday!

liv May 27, 2008 at 9:25 am

here kitty, kitty!

livs last blog post..

Minnesota Matron May 27, 2008 at 9:53 am

The Matron fears animals as small as squirrels, so she would have a hard time with the wild big cat thing!

Treasia May 27, 2008 at 9:53 am

You had me very close to having to change my big girl panties this morning. LOL. so glad to hear it wasn’t really a mountain lion though.

Treasias last blog post..We Named her Free

flutter May 27, 2008 at 11:51 am

ok, this totally reminds me of the other day, walking into work and a GIANT CAT jumps out of the bushes and nearly gives me consumption. I was all jumping around in my high heels and screaming.


flutters last blog post..The Chart of Elements: Passion

Ann May 27, 2008 at 12:48 pm

OH, LOL, you had me at “holy crap”! I was nervous to click – and then I thought “self, she’s totally reeled you in” and sure enough – you did! Still, if it were me and I’d seen that cat – I would’ve jumped right out of my skin. 🙂

I too worry so much about cats around here (AZ) bc of coyotes in my area. Many cats have gone missing in our area and it just breaks my heart.

Glad to hear you didn’t run into the big cats though. I was on the edge of my seat!

tysdaddy May 27, 2008 at 12:49 pm

Mountain Lion was wearing his “Look! I’m cute!” suit. Never trust a cat . . .

tysdaddys last blog post..Role Play

Jennifer Harvey May 27, 2008 at 12:56 pm

That cat scared the hell of me. I’m sure it looked pretty funny if anyone else saw me. 🙂

melissa May 27, 2008 at 1:15 pm

Now that was funny! All of it–the cahones and big girl panties and jumping at the cat.
I don’t think I’d appreciate the mountain lion aspect of life in your neck of the woods!

melissas last blog post..My Favorite Summertime Present

Sandy (Momisodes) May 27, 2008 at 2:51 pm

Oh man, you do have cajones. I’d be too chicken to go out.

Hope that kitty made it home safe too. Too bad it’s not able to read those signs you posted earlier.

Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..One-Sided

Jan May 27, 2008 at 2:58 pm

Did you make a Bee line or a Flee line from that ferocious Feline?

Jans last blog post..Yes, I said tuna..

david mcmahon May 27, 2008 at 3:39 pm

Indiana cojones?

(Couldn’t resist that, Jennifer!!)

david mcmahons last blog post..Kanga Route

Julie Pippert May 27, 2008 at 3:44 pm

You are such a crack up!

That’s hilarious.

So did you get the lights done? And why am I picturing this at night?

You know, in my club we wear big girl panties and use our ovarian fortitude. Since switching to that from cajones, I’ve found a new degree of power. I’d heard that ovaries beat balls but now I know for sure. Just sayin’ in case you want to avoid those other clubs at any point in time.

Julie Pipperts last blog post..‘Whatever’ is not an actual salary and it really doesn’t buy the groceries, either

catnip May 27, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Awww, he so fierce! Great story 🙂

catnips last blog post..ChapterBytes launch!

Kellan May 27, 2008 at 6:19 pm

And have timeshares – HA! This was so funny – you are a hoot!! Glad it was a little kitty.

Take care – Kellan

Kellans last blog post..Party Time!

Nicole P May 27, 2008 at 6:50 pm

Ahh, I was so afraid to click that link cause I thought it was going to be one of those scary trick links where something, in this case a mountain lion, screams at you.

Nicole Ps last blog post..A Little News

Suzanne May 27, 2008 at 6:52 pm

That is so cute and hilarious….good thing you had the big girl panties, you could have bagged that wild cat with them and turned it over to the game warden!


Suzannes last blog post..This Song Curls My Toes…..

JCK May 27, 2008 at 7:03 pm

OKAY…speaking of Holy CRAP, you scared the bejesus out of me. Thanks A WHOLE LOT!

Well…glad you’re OK, and hopefully the kitty got home safe.

Big girl panties and cojones. A delightful combination of words, my friend!

JCKs last blog post..It was a special weekend…and I am tired

Madge May 27, 2008 at 7:21 pm

but did you get the light bulbs changed???

Madges last blog post..Winner!! Winner!!

Hatchet May 27, 2008 at 9:14 pm

I have to admit I like the phrase “Ovarian Fortitude”. I’ll have to remember it.

We have indoor cats for assorted reasons. Reasons like mountain lions, coyotes, foxes, raccoons, cars….

And I live in the ‘burbs!

Glad you both made it out of there alive!

Hatchets last blog post..Eight Months

Jenn @ Juggling Life May 27, 2008 at 10:41 pm

Our cats are indoors–no doubt about it. I don’t get why people bother putting up the posters–if you let your cat outside around here a coyote will eventually eat them.

Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..Tears for Fears

Hilary May 28, 2008 at 4:16 am

So, how long until you started feeding him, giving him shelter, brushing him and losing sleep over him because he sleeps on your legs?

I might be confusing us…

Hilarys last blog post..After Dark

Sandi McBride May 28, 2008 at 8:39 am

Oh, you’re too funny! Great post…but that looks like my cat…just so you know he’s here whining at the door to be let in because he was threatened with unmentionables…and here I thought someone had given him the good cussin’ he needed!

Sandi McBrides last blog post..My Brag Book of Friends

Mushy May 28, 2008 at 9:21 am

Funny…mostly because I could picture myself in your shoes!

Thanks for the visit and thank David for picking your post.

Mushys last blog post..MY SATURDAY DATE

Kimberly May 28, 2008 at 12:02 pm

That would have scared the beejezuz out of me! Rawr!

But doesn’t every kitty want to harness it’s inner mountain lion?

Kimberlys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Rain, rain go away

Crazycath May 28, 2008 at 3:39 pm

My heart was pounding for you until I clicked on the link!
Had me laughing out loud (sorry).

Great post – deserved POTD.

Crazycaths last blog post..Riddle

the mama bird diaries May 28, 2008 at 7:29 pm

I was upset this week because we found mouse droppings in our apartment and then I told myself to stop being such a wimp because it’s not like they were mountain lion droppings…

the mama bird diariess last blog post..making a love connection

Nap Warden May 28, 2008 at 8:53 pm

Good Lord…mountain lions! I would say it’s safer in the Big City, but they just bagged a cougar about 10 blocks from my house:o

Nap Wardens last blog post..Brain Wandering…

Sandpiper May 29, 2008 at 5:15 am

You carried me right along!! A great post!! (I came in from David’s blog.) WELL DONE!! (Cute kitty by the way.) 🙂

Sandpipers last blog post..Baltimore Orio— WHAT?

Rhea May 29, 2008 at 7:20 pm

ROFL Big girl panties, cojones, and a ferocious kitty cat. This post ROCKS!! Loved it.

Rheas last blog post..Rhea of Sunshine

HRH May 30, 2008 at 6:28 am

Thank God you survived that. Do I need to send out a professional trapper?

HRHs last blog post..Come bask in my dotcomness…

Carolyn May 30, 2008 at 10:03 pm

Lucky you had the big girl panties on (which, I’m sure is code for Depends.) There’s no shame. Did you ever see the SNL skit “Oooops I crapped my pants??” Hilarious.

Carolyns last blog post..sugar. now with more sugar!

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