I’m writing this at the hour of night known as Some Ungodly Hour.
You’re all asleep, I assume. Or hiding. The only person I follow on Twitter who’s still tweeting is Guy Kawasaki, but I’m pretty sure he never sleeps.
So, I’ve decided that since I can’t sleep, I should at least try to be helpful or informative. For once. To that end, I give you my list of…
Things to do at Some Ungodly Hour
- Look around at a cluttered office and decide right then and there to do something about it. Start with a stack of mail.
- Get distracted by catalogs full of stuff I can’t afford right now or ever – and, in some cases, wouldn’t buy even if I could. Like the beautiful leather sectionals in Restoration Hardware that go for $19,500 – on sale right now for $16,595. I mean, at that price, they’re practically giving them away. (Imagine the freaked out kids in the house where the people own that sofa – lots of crying over spilled milk, and that’s just the parents.)
- Recycle the catalogs. Immediately feel better.
- Get excited when I find a pretty folder labeled Blog Ideas. Hear angels singing. With the kind of anticipation that could just about kill a person or make Depends a really good idea, I open it. The folder is empty. (Bet you knew that was coming.)
- Page through New York magazine, to which I subscribe but mostly forget to read. That magazine should be like Netflix – you don’t get a new one until you’re finished with the last one. That’s just common sense, people. Or I could make better use of my time. Maybe that.
- Look at pictures of Rene Russo, who’s 55. Accept all over again that life isn’t fair. Except, you know, for her. (Who’s up for watching The Thomas Crown Affair this weekend?)
- Click the Everyone button in Twitter, which is the visual equivalent of Octomom opening her front door these days. Everyone means everyone. In the world. Who’s on Twitter. (Just not anyone I actually follow because – and I think we covered this – you’re all sleeping.) I click away, fast.
- Notice that Guy Kawasaki has stopped tweeting. Now the only person on is a travel writer from Austria whose life sounds so much cooler than mine that if I had any sense I would click Unfollow, without delay, just to save my sanity. (But won’t, for the same reason, and because his blog has gorgeous photos from his travels.)
- Search for a clock image on Photobucket, and laugh when this shows up among the results. Their search function has a sense of humor – and, honestly, it could have been worse. (Better?)
- Find the March copy of Outside Magazine that I still haven’t read. On the cover: “50 Ways To Live Large.” Realize I’ve got that covered.
- Make plans to use the treadmill tomorrow.
The thought of that makes me tired – finally – so I decide to try to sleep. Because I’m no Guy Kawasaki.
P.S. My office doesn’t really look much different than when I started. Please, act surprised.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
My husband’s alarm goes off at 4:20 a.m. every morning. No, I don’t get up with him, but I’m up with the kids before 6 a.m. every day. And I am not a morning person…
I cleared off my desk last week and have been fending off piles. Earlier this week I gave away 15 back issues of a favorite magazine. I cleaned out my bedroom closet but then left all the crap I pulled out of it and want to get rid of on the floor of my bedroom.
When I was awake with the Cough from Hell recently, I’d get online in the middle of the night and discover all my West Coast friends were chatting up a storm. It felt…weird. Time zones….when I lived overseas, it used to be disconcerting to know I was always half a day ahead of all my friends in America.
And now I’ll end this ramble…Sweet dreams.
Hi Jennifer, thanks for mentioning me in your blog! By the way your family name reminds me of a famous movie actress of the 20′ & 30′ here in Austria. Her name was Lilian Harvey. Have you already heard about it? ~Andreas
You’re funny. This reminds me of a game I like to play on road trips – the conversation game. Basically you see how far back you can recall the conversation – this made you talk about that, and then that, etc. It is interesting the way the mind works.
Why can’t you sleep? I should ask my husband what he watches on TV for you – it puts me to sleep within 5 minutes.
Next time take 2 tylenol extra strength and go to bed … not that this post wasnt wonderful but staying up longer than Guy ………
Which is why I stay in bed and toss and turn. Equally frustrating I’m sure!
Had I known you were awake and about too, I’d have said hello. Insomnia stinks.
I just toss and turn and hope I’ll fall asleep again.
I was on Facebook at 12:30 last night–not where I wanted to be at all. I should have called you.
You write really entertaining stuff at ‘the ungawdly hour’…….
Since you’re up anyway, can I send Dylan to you?
That way I can get some sleep and you two can keep each other company.
Trust me when I say that a 4 year old insomniac is VERY entertaining.
You’re really quite entertaining in the middle of the night. (But probably not so much in the morning!)
I’ve never thought Rene Russo is attractive. You are MUCH more attractive than her. Seriously I am not kidding. But I DO love The Thomas Crowne Affair. (And am currently wondering why I do not own that movie.)
The link to the clock is hilarious. Probably made more so with the sleeplessness, which I am feeling vicariously for you!
My mom laughs when I complain about insomnia these days; blame hormone changes, she says.
But it is SO annoying, when there are kids to care for and I’m down a husband. I need sleep.
So do you.
(I tried a am/pm perimenopausal formula at whole foods, and I do sleep better on it. FYI. Not that I’m pushing herbs on clearly youthful women. But if you want more info, give me a holler.)
Lisa – Thanks for the laugh (@ “clearly youthful”)…you’re my favorite now. 😉
Oooh – Me, me me! I’m up at that ungodly hour on many many nights – I’m just not twittering or fbing. I wish Webkinz would change their scheduled maintenance away from 2-4am because it really cramps my style. Anyway – your list was really good. I’ll try a list sometime. Mine would be along the lines of “things I should have done 5 months ago but only think about at this ungodly hour and promptly forget when it’s day time.”
AND, btw, I have one of those clocks. Wait. I have 11 or 12 of those clocks. And unlike a clock that I have on my mantel that is only right twice each day, the clock shown in this picture is right about- ummmm- twenty bazillion times every day (at least the combination of them is).
Children’s Benadryl: Works like a charm. You’re way more ambitious than me; I just sit and watch garbage TV.
Ha ha!! This made me giggle.
I am bookmarking this list for the next time I find myself wide awake in the middle of the night.
I always seem to be on here at an ungodly hour myself, after I’ve done everything else that needs doing I suppose! As it is I still have to hang up some wet washing and do the washing up and it’s 1.30 in the morning!
Some nights I’m reduced to continually refreshing my blog in the hope that someone else is up too and wants a chat… how sad am I?
I also frequently make lists of what I should be doing, but never actually do – a form of punishment I’m sure!
I like your writing style I found you in Twitter and already like you there now that Ive hung out here I will be back. I like the idea of the ungodly hour to do llst. I get insomnia at time and besides making my cat crazy (which the cat is usually doing to me) I have nothing to do except “watch twitter” and listen to “HIM- boyfriend” snore because he had realized the middle of the bed is now HIS DOMAIN. (is nothing sacred)
I’m looking at my desk thinking hmmm, this chick w/insomnia is onto something more than twitter. LOVED IT!
@JohniLouise
I have terrible insomnia and this sounds exactly like my accomplishments at 3:00 a.m. Cracked me up though. At least the magazine stack is gone! Sleep well tonight.
I have perpetual insomnia. I can relate.
I think we have the same type of insomnia. here it is 2 am and I am reading your ost thinking “hey we do about the same”. Maybe I should go to bed now.
I have terminal insomnia. It is a total bitch
I have secondary insomnia – the kind where I fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow – it is HEAVEN until something or SOMEONE (read someone) wakes me up 20 minutes later and then all sleep is OFF. Until about 5 am…then I can fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow for 20 minutes of bliss. CRAAAAAP. Next time I am totally twittering so you won’t be lonely and just talking to Guy.
Oh, Jennifer I feel for you. An office with stacks of papers, magazines, empty blog fodder folders…all of that is tough during the day.
You were productive. Better than most of us.
Insomnia is a difficult issue. The most important thing is to relax the mood, try to rest.
Health information
Humor & Fun World
You’re funny when you can’t sleep.
Get some rest girl.
I usually attempt to clean my office when I’m supposed to be working. 😉
I love this.
I consider myself both a morning person and a night owl. Which when you consider how long I stay up at night, really means I get very little sleep, hence the deep dark bags under my blue eyes.
Anyways, stop by my bloggy “place” because I’ve got something for you!!!