Geez. Write just one post about a book called How Babies Are Made and no one lets you forget it, certainly not all the Googlers out there who have found my blog by entering multiple derivatives of that title.
Funny, I thought this would be the post that would haunt me.
Honestly, I’m such a attention tart that I don’t really mind how people find my blog. Of course it makes me all warm inside when I see that someone got here by searching for a quote or for some driving music (love you), but if you got here by Googling “I broke toilet seat embarrass,” well, there’s room for you, too. Though I doubt that the three people who were looking for “photos of two dogs screwing” stuck around for long. (Maybe next week…) Ditto for info on “how long do you have to wait before you can drive on ashfault?” (For starters, I suggest buying a dictionary. And don’t wait.)
The how-babies-are-made queries are some of my favorite, mostly because, as a parent, I’ve also wondered how to handle that conversation. I’m no expert on explaining these things, but a LOT of people have come here for help. It just seems irresponsible to ignore their questions, no matter how puzzling.
Here goes:
Q: How babies are made in a few words
A: I believe it goes something like: “How you doin’?”
Q: I want to see how babies are made
A: Sure, you say that now. But hardly anyone wants to see the end of that production line. If you doubt me, go and watch Knocked Up, the part where the friend goes into the delivery room. A hint: crowning isn’t just for royalty.
Q: How babies are made for kids
A: I don’t know how to answer that one. I just buy toys for my kids.
Q: How babies are made funny
A: I recommend some Eddie Izzard and lots of Jon Stewart.
Moving on…
I love the person who searched for this: “I have weakness for cowboys.” Me too, sister (or brother?). Me, too.
Someone else asked, “What do cowboys drive?”
Um, cattle? (You’re totally going for the Ford vs. Dodge answer, but I’m not giving it to you.)
Other people I’d like to help, but am not sure I can, wanted to know about:
- handmade polo aftershave (is that really a good idea?)
- how long does last a bad run of cards (I’ll let you know when mine does last no more. Longer. Whatever.)
- pictures of real wolves going after children (the FBI will be on your doorstep in a matter of hours)
- woman in fog (you might have come to the right place, after all)
- drink like a man, look like a man (turns out, I can only address the second part of that)
- introverts incessant chatter (again, maybe you’ve come to the right place)
And my favorite…
- jennifer going commando (Um. Yeah, no.)
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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
and what would be wrong with no underwear, i ask you?
livs last blog post..
Well, that may be the same person who wanted a “pic of Mary Alice nude”………I like to think they were a very cultured sort of voyeur, you know, more artistic than the average naked pic viewer.
Mary Alices last blog post..Shhhhhh S-E-X.
LOL.
When you figure out how to tell the kids about where babies come from, please let me know, okay?
(I’m good with all the other stuff).
Too funny.
I too pay attention to what people search for that led them to my blog. Some of my favorites include:
“what movies have jennifer connelly been”
“little ladykiller”
and
“diagrammed logic arguments”
I did take a logic class last semester, so that one’s not a shock. But I bet relating to my 8 year old son’s mastery of the “exclusive or” operator didn’t help that dude much.
tysdaddys last blog post..Whiskers
Strangely enough, the one search term that has generated the most traffic is “spaghetti poem.”
I once posted a poem I wrote that had a line in it about conjugating spaghetti. Very interesting . . . is there some famous poem about spaghetti that I’m not aware of?
tysdaddys last blog post..Whiskers
Look, not to worry. There’s a certain amount “you’ve arrived” involved when people get to your site looking for something else completely. I am a bit envious. OK, maybe it is a bit like being told that someone really enjoyed dating you — until they got to know you better (this has happened to me, btw). It turns out that, yeah, they were really looking for someone else, but at least you got a couple of dates out of the deal.
If only I had known I was conducting a “laptop promotion for your kitchen.” My kitchen needs a new laptop.
Great post!
Betsy Birds last blog post..Maybe I Should Not Post More Often
BWAHAHAHAHA! “How you doin’?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mrs. Chilis last blog post..Michael!
That’s it! I’m going to start blogging for sure just to see that kind of stuff!
Love the answers! You should help me write my book–you know the one with answers to all the questions kids ask. I can supply the questions and you can supply the witty answers!
Oh, I needed a good laugh this evening, and you provided it and then some. HILARIOUS post. This post rocked. lol
Rheas last blog post..Taggeroni, Taggalicious, Taggafantabulous!
What Mrs. Chili said.
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..As Promised: Prom Pictures
“how long does last a bad run of cards (I’ll let you know when mine does last no more. Longer. Whatever.)”
Cracked me up! (But then, I’m the geek who just replied to a mass email of dog training tips to point out that the writer should have used “too” in place of “to.”_
Really though, very funny. I’m still laughing. More, please.
OMG. That is funny. How long does it take assfault to cure?
HRHs last blog post..Monday potluck: Pain in the butt edition…
I just love the weirdness involed in internet searches
flutters last blog post..Therapy notes: If I fell asleep with my eyes open, would you notice?
HAHAHAHA!!!! Someday you MUST tell me how to run this search for my site. I LOVE IT!!
p.s. I might have been woman in a fog…I can’t remember.
Grandys last blog post..A Long-Awaited Biased Review
Writing here from a Room of My Own, I think I just might deserve that book. Sorry I’ve been absent. No promises but I’m trying for three days in the blogosphere a week this summer. We’ll see.
Well done today!
cces last blog post..At least the athlete
Gosh, Jennifer, this is very interesting and funny! I never really take the time to look at mine, it should be very, very interesting to find out what they look for when they hit my blog!
Megs last blog post..Hydration Detrimental to Our Lips?
I’m with Grandy. The only way I know is a long painful search through site meter and so far, nothing nearly this funny.
Manic Mommys last blog post..Why I’m Going to Hell
That is weird. I’m probably better off not knowing how people find my blog;)
I do love your post on a A room of one’s own. One of my all time favorite books–in my top 5 that I’ve reread regularly through adulthood.
melissas last blog post..Crossing it off
Funny. I really wish I’d kept track of the funny searches that lead to my blog – bc there have been some jaw droppers, to be sure. Isn’t it wild? I guess at some point I shall regret the use of “fart” – for now, I stand by it. 🙂
Anns last blog post..Best of Comments Vol. 1, With Cookies
I dont think anyone has ever found me this/that way .. should I be insulted?
:-Daryl
Daryls last blog post..tuesday toon
Hahahahaha…
Don’t readin’ what people tipe makes youz feel smart?
I love it.
AMomTwoBoyss last blog post..Mooching Monday – Take One
crowning isn’t just for royalty may be my favorite
or i just buy my kids toys
look i think i’m ee cummings with no caps or punctuation
i am so freakin special
I love reading the search hits that lead people to me – I’m huge in the UK !
we_be_toyss last blog post..Well Look Who Just Crawled In
I’m with Liv… going “commando” – totally solves the whole panty line problem…
Ann from Montanas last blog post..King of the hill
You put someone like me (who can’t write funny to save her life) to shame. This was so witty. Loved it Jennifer.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE checking how people find my blog. There are some very strange folk out there googling for things!
ROFL at “How you doin”!!! 🙂 But seriously….handmade Polo aftershave? Very odd.
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..A Jill of No Shades
Um. I totally came here for the commando part. I’ve been waiting patiently for MONTHS now, and this is when you choose to let me down? I’m totally taking you out of my reader……what a rip off.
Angelas last blog post..Because I Promised You Funny
You are way too clever. I just love how you handled the “google search” post. I’ve been meaning to do one for a while, but it always turns out boring. This was a hoot. Now I’ll never do one because I just don’t measure up. Meh.
Carolyns last blog post..sale! sale! sale! today only. five posts for the price of one.
It’s a strange, strange world we live in…
Jennifer, this is hilarious. People are just crazy, aren’t they?
Nicole Ps last blog post..Flowers
I have a weakness for cowboys as well!
Nap Wardens last blog post..Rock a Bye Baby…
How come none of my “came by searching for…” phrases aren’t half as funny.
The most possible search that leads people to me is “Words that end in K”
Go figure!
Cathys last blog post..Liam 151
Cowboys. Gotta love ’em. 🙂
Juless last blog post..The View from the Fair
Funny. Just today my 3 1/2 year-old asked how babies are made. You’re right. it all starts with a, “How you doin?”
the mama bird diariess last blog post..hot and so not
Love “how you doin” – that is how a lot of my conversations start, actually! 🙂
Shaunas last blog post..I am being a little self-centered on the blog today…
Oh, those were goodies! I just love the posts on how people find blogs!
JCKs last blog post..Will I remember it