Bleep bleep bleeeeeep

by Jennifer on July 15, 2008

I don’t normally use the F word on my blog, and maybe I won’t start now. BUT. You might want to cover your ears if you’re sensitive to fake F words. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Eff the effing mothereffer that looked just like this little effing bastard and was in my house 10 minutes ago (and who knows how long before that, don’t let me think about it, and who probably has a mate lurking somewhere right now).

Living in the desert totally bites it sometimes.

A scorpion was most definitely harmed in the making of this post.

(I feel like things are crawling on me! Can I just say how much I effing hate scorpions? Oh, you got that already?)

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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

Louise July 15, 2008 at 2:13 pm

I’m typing fast so I can be the first. EEEEEWWWWWW!!! I have never seen an effing scorpion in our desert.

Louises last blog post..On a Lighter Note

suburbancorrespondent July 15, 2008 at 2:17 pm

Okay, so maybe I should stop complaining about the ants?

suburbancorrespondents last blog post..Maunderings

Madge July 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm

eff! eff!

i always wanted to say eff.

Madges last blog post..Calm Down Madge!!!

Denise @ EatPlayLove July 15, 2008 at 2:38 pm

wow, moments ago, I had to harm a moth that was scaring my girls. I can’t even imagine what type of screams and squeals would be heard after seeing one of those buggers! HOLY MOLY.

Denise @ EatPlayLoves last blog post..Back To School Shopping: Crayons, Glue, and Thongs

Jennifer Harvey July 15, 2008 at 2:50 pm

We had friends over, and Boy and his friend S spotted it first. I thought they were joking. The girls headed for high ground. The boys looked on cautiously.

My friend and I gasped and I morphed the S word into “shhhhoot” before it fully developed (but only because we had company).

Want to hear the really gross part? I know you do.

My friend cautioned me to check to make sure it wasn’t carrying babies on its back (it wasn’t), since the ones you miss will just scatter if you smack the scorpion with a shoe or whatever. How’s that for ewwwwww?

But SuburbanCorrespondent? Ants are rotten little effers, too.

Hilary July 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm

ACK! I couldn’t even imagine. That deserves every expletive you can muster.. go for it.

Hilarys last blog post..The Rain, the Park and Other Things

Stacie July 15, 2008 at 3:18 pm

HOLY EFFING PINCERS, BAT MAN! I am all of a sudden less jealous of people who live in Arizona…and here I am…being ungrateful for my little yucky icky palmetto bugs…I hope you bashed the effing poop outta him!

Stacies last blog post..Living Downtown

Tina July 15, 2008 at 3:35 pm

That would be it for me. The kids and I would be in the car and out of town. How the heck are you going to be able to sleep tonight?

Tinas last blog post..See this plate?

Jennifer Harvey July 15, 2008 at 3:37 pm

In a bubble? You know, like Bubble Boy from Seinfeld?

Or I would, if I could get internet in there.

Bruce July 15, 2008 at 4:41 pm

I have never met anyone that likes an ‘f-ing’ scropion.

Bruces last blog post..Essential Cinema – 35

Suzanne July 15, 2008 at 5:38 pm

I thought our South Florida ‘palmetto’ (aka super huge ugly cockroaches) were scary….but they’re just ugly.

Right now, thinking about that scorpion is making my skin crawl…and I have the benefit of computer between me and it. Efffffffffing icky!!!!

Suzannes last blog post..The Glass Mystery – Chapter 25: The Moscow Diaries

Crazycath July 15, 2008 at 5:42 pm

I don’t think I could cope with that and many many scorpions would be hurt (in a life threatening if not life removing kind of way) in the making of any post or headway out of the door…

Crazycaths last blog post..ABC Wednesday – Z

Mrs. Schmitty July 15, 2008 at 6:25 pm

HOLY EFF!!! I’ve got the willies now!

Mrs. Schmittys last blog post..My Bionic Nose

the mama bird diaries July 15, 2008 at 7:40 pm

Clearly, you hate them as much as I hate New York City mice.

Umm… not to be an idiot but are scorpions dangerous? Forget it, I’ll go google it.

the mama bird diariess last blog post..the san fran buzz

Jennifer Harvey July 15, 2008 at 8:04 pm

Wikipedia says:

The stings of North American scorpions are rarely serious and usually result in pain, minimal swelling, tenderness, and warmth at the sting site. However, the Arizona bark scorpion Centruroides sculpturatus, which is found in Arizona and New Mexico and on the California side of the Colorado River, has a much more toxic sting. The sting is painful, sometimes causing numbness or tingling in the area around the sting. Serious symptoms are more common in children and include abnormal head, eye, and neck movements; increased saliva production; sweating; and restlessness. Some people develop severe involuntary twitching and jerking of muscles. Breathing difficulties may occur.

Of course, we moved to the place that has the badass scorpions.

A sting wouldn’t be as dangerous to an adult as it would be for the kids. But Mr. H was stung by one a few years ago, and he was pretty sick for a while, and the sting area didn’t go away for about 2 months.

flutter July 15, 2008 at 8:12 pm

oh EFF no!

flutters last blog post..Where I am inclined to grow

Hatchet July 15, 2008 at 8:24 pm


I HAD to click on the image, didn’t I? Didn’t I?! Now *I* have the heebie-jeebies!

Gah! What do you have to do to kill it? Drop a dictionary on it? Ain’t no way I’D step on it! Gaaah!

Hatchets last blog post..Kaaa-CHOP!

Jennifer Harvey July 15, 2008 at 8:30 pm

I whacked it with a shoe while standing on a stepladder. It fell to the floor, and the tail was still moving, so I smushed it.

And then I scooped it into a cup and flushed it.

And then I got a case of the shudders, bone-deep.

{{{{{{still not done}}}}}}

TX Poppet July 15, 2008 at 9:49 pm

I was about to make an empathetic comment about having scorpons around here due to suburban sprawl but then I read about your badaaak! AZ mutants and I am speechless . That is except to say, Honey! Get mah shovel!

TX Poppets last blog post..WFMW-Canning Tomatoes

San Diego Momma July 15, 2008 at 10:01 pm


I’ll be back after the heart attack.

San Diego Mommas last blog post..PROMPTuesday #13: Finish It

Jenn @ Juggling Life July 15, 2008 at 11:10 pm

I’ve been right there with you. Not fun.

Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..A Hint from Heloise and Some Earring Lust

Carolyn July 16, 2008 at 1:20 am

I go away for a while and this is what I come back to? Effing hell Jennifer. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

And then reading your comments made it worse. Did you really have to talk about ants too? I’m frickin’ dreadfully disgusted by ants. Thank heavens I don’t live in the dessert. I don’t think I could handle worrying about effin’ scorpions too.

Still feeling a little effin’ sick. I was going to read more of your posts tonight, but this did me in. Maybe tomorrow…

Carolyns last blog post..anxiety advice?

Kate July 16, 2008 at 5:31 am

Yeah, that would make my skin crawl too..
and I’d be using more than just the F word. LOL!
Good for you for showing restraint.
I should be so disciplined.

Here in Iowa we get snakes in the house.
I never have, but I’ve heard stories.

Hope that’s the last of the scorpions visitng your house.


Kates last blog post..The Perfect Blendship…

Treasia July 16, 2008 at 7:07 am

Quite possibly that is when I would have moved out and he would have a new residence.

Treasias last blog post..Happy Hump Day Everyone

anymommy July 16, 2008 at 8:49 am

Horrible. I feel like I have things crawling on me just from looking at the picture. You are a brave woman, truly.

anymommys last blog post..Situational Ethics and Hypocrisy

Ann July 16, 2008 at 9:22 am

Yep, the joys of desert living, eh? We’ve been here in AZ 3 years and have only found 1 scorpion in the house so far, so we’ve realllllly been lucky. Aren’t they just CREEPY?

Anns last blog post..Back To My Previously Scheduled Life

Jennifer Harvey July 16, 2008 at 9:32 am

Ann–We’ve seen them in the garage (which is why I’ve boycotted any further organizing of the garage until Mr. H can be home. This was the first one inside, though, in 4 years. Crossing my fingers that you never see another one!

we_be_toys July 16, 2008 at 9:39 am

Aughhh! I’m not even in Arizona and I’m freaking out! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
Sorry, it’s my kneejerk response to stuff like that. And I thought cockroaches were shuddery-creepy – gaack!
I had my mosr recent shudder fest over a copperhead that showed up at my nephew’s birthday party – you better believe I screamed like Llando Calrissian (sp?) dangling in that pit in Return of the Jedi.
Is there a Raid for scorpions?

we_be_toyss last blog post..Much Ado About Stuff

Jennifer Harvey July 16, 2008 at 9:45 am

WeBeToys–Apparently, that stuff doesn’t work on them, at least not right away. Their skeleton is outside their bodies, and it takes about a week for it to permeate. Spraying (by a professional) works over time, but we haven’t had that done yet. Seems like a good idea now!

A copperhead? Yikes.

Allen July 16, 2008 at 11:19 am

During a very dark 1.5 year period in the mid 90’s when this Yankee and his Yankee wife relocated to Round Rock, TX (just north of Austin) with 3 young lads (newborn, 2 & 4), purchased a new home on the edge of a new subdivision. Shortly after moving in I remember walking down the hallway and seeing, right there in the middle of the hall, sat a lovely (sic) little Scorpius. After a 2nd look to verify I wasn’t seeing a mirage, I quickly smashed the little rascal before my boys, wife or cat could be stung. Next day I told my Texas-native neighbor about the little critter. His response, “Aw hell, sting ain’t that bad and you’re only numb a day or so.”

Numb . . . a day or two . . . ain’t that bad . . . right . . . Until we moved back to Oregon almost 18 months later we averaged 1 little curved-tail Scorpion critter per month.

BTW, I did experience that fire ants aren’t fun either. I painfully found this out after wrapping my arm around a small tree in the yard I was transplating, not realizing the little devils were on the tree trunk right next to my biceps. Got to say my right biceps never looked larger/better about 10 minutes after the ferocious little insects did their chompin’.

And now we average 1 bat/summer flying around in our old money-pit of a house in the wee hours of the morning. Not to mention the skunks that visit outside, or the raccooms. The only cool local critters are the coyotes in the hills that occassionally serenade us and the hoot owls that come back every spring to the tall trees in our neighborhood .

Jennifer Harvey July 16, 2008 at 11:27 am

Allen–Fire ants and bats and scorpions, oh my!

Okay, your one-a-month scorpion record beats mine by miles. It’s official. I’m a sissy.

Yeah, just a day or so of numbness. Don’t know why I was so worried.

Akelamalu July 16, 2008 at 11:51 am

Effin Elsie a Scorpion in your house? I’d have effin died!

Akelamalus last blog post..Bye, bye…..

Mark Salinas July 16, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Eff ya! I have never had the pleasure to encounter a scorpion!

Mark Salinass last blog post..Boot Camp

melissa July 16, 2008 at 5:35 pm

That THAT THAT THING requires profanity in it’s description. Vile creatures, bugs. I swear around spiders myself, so I am so not judging you.

melissas last blog post..General Awesomeness

jenrantsraves July 16, 2008 at 5:44 pm

Well, I finally made it here from Motherscribe. I think I was here once before and read about you writing your first novel, and I thought to myself, “This is someone I’d like to know”. Then, life (dang it) got in the way and I never made it back!

Anyway, this made me laugh because I don’t use the F word on my blog either, but I wrote a post about my horrible haircut and wrote a commentary of what I was saying IN MY HEAD with bleeped out swear words. My relatives called my parents and complained! HA! That cracked me up!

Also, I read a few others and I LOVED your post about letting your daughter sleep in your bed. Very well written, and totally sweet.

Rhea July 16, 2008 at 7:07 pm

I hope you squashed the little effing bugger. ICK

I’ve been stung by a scorpion before. I grew up in the Texas hill country. They HURT. And have to be one of the most medieval freaking looking insects too.

Rheas last blog post..Tales from the Pool

Secola July 16, 2008 at 8:48 pm

When we first moved to TX way back in ’91, I was standing in our den and was about to step forward when, my then boyfriend shoved me to the ground!

My first thought was ‘burning bed,’ until he said “look what you were about to step on!” You guessed it, a scorpion.

I had 9 month old twins at the time.

That was my warm welcome to the south!

Secolas last blog post..Stimulating convo with a 16-yr old – Part Deux

Tootsie Farklepants July 16, 2008 at 11:33 pm

Eeeeefffff that!

Tootsie Farklepantss last blog post..And Then I Smashed it with a Sledgehammer from Aisle Five

Kimberly July 17, 2008 at 6:43 am

ACK! That would scare the EFF out of me.

Kimberlys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Ridiculously silly girls

Daryl July 17, 2008 at 12:36 pm


Daryls last blog post..thursdays in the hood

Lennie July 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Just found your blog and I had to read THIS! Oh eff! And you flushed it??!! I think I’d be afraid to sit down on the throne after that …. waiting for it to crawl back up and ……. oh, ICK!

Lennies last blog post..Bloomin’ beautiful

Carolyn July 17, 2008 at 10:47 pm

Don’t get me wrong. I love the swearing. It’s the stinging deadly creatures I don’t like…

Carolyns last blog post..mama the liar.

Milena July 18, 2008 at 5:34 am

You have just confirmed what a sissy I am. I would have just grabbed the kids and ran. Can feel the hairs stand on end about smashing that thing with a shoe and the thought of little baby scorpions… I’m feeling faint.

Milenas last blog post..Iran part 2

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